Jersey Fouls

This is my favorite jersey for obvious reasons.

Jerseys are cool, but only in moderation. As adults, there are only three situations in which it is acceptable to wear a professional sports jersey.
1. You're at a game.
2. You're at some sort of party where people are watching a game.
3. You're playing in the game.

Hanging with friends, dates, the workplace, church. These are all places the jersey should not be seen. Yes, I've seen them in all of those places.

It's just not a good look. Those are the simple rules of jersey wearing.

Beyond that, there are some slightly more complicated rules of etiquette that should be observed by the adult jersey wearer. Kids, you're fine. Wear your jerseys whenever you want. For you grownups, let this blog be your guide.

Ideally, your jersey should be of a current player. Unless you are 10 years old, a personalized jersey that says "Timmy" on the back just doesn't impress anyone. Adults should get a jersey of a current player, ideally one with staying power. Keep this in mind when purchasing said jersey. It better be someone who will be with the team for a while. First round draft picks, franchise players and players with enormous contracts are ideal for jersey purchasing. Those things cost normally cost at least $80 and sometimes get closer to $200. So, get your money's worth.

I kept this in mind when looking around for Chiefs jerseys last year. At the time, there was no player on the roster that I thought A.) was a great player and B.) definitely would be with the team for a while. So, I held off. However, when I found a Derrick Johnson jersey on sale for $35 last spring, I knew I had made a worthwhile purchase. He just signed a five-year contract extension and is now a Pro Bowler.

Tamarick Vanover. Marc Boerigter. Snoop Minnis. Steve Bono. I saw all of those Chiefs jerseys at Arrowhead within the last year. Not a good look, folks. I'm not sure those were great choices when they were with the team. Now? Ugh. Former players that are out of the NFL are bad enough, but that's not the biggest faux paux I've seen.

Really? All the promising young talent in KC, and you
show up at the K rocking a Greinke jersey? Shame!

Do not wear a jersey of a former player who currently plays for another team. I saw way too many Zack Greinke jerseys at the last Royals game I went to. Not cool. The guy had a couple nice seasons in KC (one great one), but he wanted out. He's a Brewer now.

When a player goes to another team, it's time to put the jersey in the closet. Wearing that to a game is kind of like keeping a picture of an ex. You had some good times, but you're not together anymore. Time to find someone else. There are several more examples out there that are a lot worse than Greinke Royals jerseys, though. Here are a few examples of jerseys you need to put in your closet and leave there until further notice:

LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers - Some people still wear them. They shouldn't. The wound is way too fresh and won't go away anytime soon.

Terrell Owens, any team - Admit it. You hated Owens until he signed with your team. Then you got excited, bought the jersey, and by the end of the year you had buyer's remorse because of the locker room turmoil he caused. Now, it's the only jersey you have so that's what you wear on game day. You're better than that. Admit you made a mistake. Throw the TO jersey away.

Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals - I know it hurts, but it's over, Cardinal fans. Don't throw that number 5 away, though. That jersey will be cool again one day. This brings me to my next point.

I like my Tony G. jersey,
but I can't wear it for a while.

Legendary players are acceptable... after they've retired. One day, when guys James and Pujols have retired and the wounds have healed, you can bring those jerseys back out and maybe even wear them to games again. Not before then, though.

Michael Jordan Bulls jersey? Emmitt Smith Cowboys jersey? Joe Montana 49ers? All beyond acceptable. They are legendary players for those respective franchises and will mostly be remembered for what they did in those cities and not Washington, Arizona, or Kansas City. Wear the jerseys of your legends proudly.

I like my Tony Gonzalez Chiefs jersey, but he's a Falcon now. Until he hangs it up, that 88 will hang in my closet. When he makes his Hall of Fame speech, though, I'll probably bring it back out. He'll always be a Chief to me. He'll be in the Chiefs Hall of Honor one day. Then (and only then) can the 88 be worn to Arrowhead again.

I can't move to my last point before addressing a big grey area: Brett Favre Packers jerseys. He's retired (we think), but I'm pretty sure some bitter feelings still linger. Maybe in a few years when Favre goes into the Hall of Fame and hopefully buries the hatchet with Green Bay in his speech, those Favre Packer jerseys will be a little more acceptable. As long as Rodgers is quarterbacking that team, though, I'd suggest keeping your 4's hidden.

College rules. The beauty about college jerseys: for the most part, they are forever. They rarely have names on the back. So, they're flexible. My number 3 Notre Dame football jersey has flexed from Darius Walker to Michael Floyd, and in lean years I just say it's Joe Montana. Even the rare college jerseys that do have names last forever because they usually fall under the previously-mentioned legendary rule. Colleges won't take the time to make a jersey with a name on it unless the player is an all-time great. So, unless you have a jersey of a player who transferred or left the program with a pile of NCAA sanctions (see: Terrelle Pryor Ohio State jerseys), your college jerseys should be good forever.