Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Fan Fouls

The sports world is big. It takes all types: loud fans, hopeful young kids, stat geeks, eye candy. face paintersthe ones who sit alone watching mediocre teams. I'm okay with all of them. I love going to games, and I love the atmosphere and the characters it brings.

Some fans, though, sour my viewing experience. They commit what I like to call fan fouls. It's like a party foul, but at a sporting event. They need to stop.

This isn't a lecture on how to be a fan. It's advice on how to avoid being a bad fan, the type that brings down the experience for your fellow fans. Don't commit fan fouls:

Set a good example. Kids are impressionable, after all.
Watch your language - There are kids at these games. Be respectful. The occasional expression of frustration is forgivable, but long, profanity-laced tirades are not. The players can't hear you. Even if they can, they don't care what you think. Calm down. Drink your beer.

Don't be "In the hole!" guy - You know who I'm talking about. This guy yells "in the hole" after EVERY shot in a golf tournament. It needs to stop. Now.
If you're the type of person who thinks it's hilarious to yell, "Get in the hole!" when a guy tees off on a par five, we probably can't be friends.

No fantasy updates - I'm here watching a real game. I really don't need play by play on "Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe" vs. "My Vick in a Box." Yes, I have a fantasy team, too. I just don't broadcast the results. Like they said in "Silly Little Game", there is nothing more interesting to a person than his/her fantasy team, but there is nothing less interesting to a person than someone else's fantasy team. Keep it to yourself, bud.

Know your jersey-wearing etiquette - We've been over this before. The CliffsNotes version: stick to current players or legendary players. If your jersey is that of some washed up scrub or a guy who plays for another team now, leave it in your closet.

Know your field/court-storming etiquette - Again, we've been over this before. CliffsNotes version: if you're going to run out there, make sure it's a special occasion. Also, be safe.

Be timely when you leave your seat - Don't get up and climb over people during the game. Asking people to get up so you can go to the restroom is uncomfortable enough, but don't do it while we're trying to watch. Wait for time outs, between innings, changes in possession, etc.

Don't interfere with the game - This is mainly directed at baseball fans, but it happens in other sports, too. Know the rules. You're a fan, not a participant. Stay out of the way. This means don't run out on the field. Although, if you do run out on the field, please get Tased or tackled in spectacular fashion. That, I enjoy... because you deserved it.

Sit down - Unless you're in the student section, stay in your seat. I paid a lot for this seat, and I want to use it. I hate having to stand up because you're in front of me and you're fired up for a third-and-seven in the first quarter. The worst part is that one guy causes a chain reaction. You make me stand up, now I'm making the people behind me stand up, and eventually a thousand people are groaning because they have to stand because of something you started.
Key moments in the game? Sure, that's fine. We can get up and yell for a full count with the bases loaded and two outs. I'll stand up when the home team has the ball, down a point with three seconds left. For the rest of the game, though, sit down.

The "OV-er-RA-ted" chant - It's dumb. Is this team you just beat good or not? Maybe it was kinda funny when I first heard it 20 years ago, which was probably 30 years after it was first chanted. It's old. And if this team truly is overrated, did your team really do anything special?

I'm sure I'm not alone with these pet peeves, and I'm sure there are plenty more that bug others. What bothers you at a game? Add your own.

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